Jokes
Here are several jokes that a friend of mine emailed me today. I've added a little bit of commentary, as is my wont, in parentheses.
A blonde decides to try horseback
riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She
mounts the horse unassisted and the
horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic
pace, but the blonde begins to slip from
the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the
horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a
firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around
the horse's neck, but she slides down
the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly
ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde
attempts to leap away from the horse and
throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her
foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and
she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding
hooves as her head is struck against the ground
over and over. As her head is battered against
the ground, she is mere moments away from
unconsciousness when to her great fortune,
Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and
unplugs the horse.
Thank God for heroes!
(Hey, that happened to me one time!)
(Everyone who has ever had a college professor or teacher who has ever claimed that Christianity was stupid or that they could disprove the existance in God can take comfort in the following joke.)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was?
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother," she asked, "is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without hesitating one little boy (the oldest in his family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
(As someone who has several siblings, I can sympathise with the first little girl.)
**********************
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
(Note to parents all over the world: This is why guilt trips DON'T WORK!)
*********************
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael. He's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."
(You gotta love little kids....)
*********************
A teacher was giving a lesson on blood circulation.
Trying to make the matter clear, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
(Ouch!)
A blonde decides to try horseback
riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She
mounts the horse unassisted and the
horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic
pace, but the blonde begins to slip from
the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the
horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a
firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around
the horse's neck, but she slides down
the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly
ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde
attempts to leap away from the horse and
throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her
foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and
she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding
hooves as her head is struck against the ground
over and over. As her head is battered against
the ground, she is mere moments away from
unconsciousness when to her great fortune,
Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and
unplugs the horse.
Thank God for heroes!
(Hey, that happened to me one time!)
(Everyone who has ever had a college professor or teacher who has ever claimed that Christianity was stupid or that they could disprove the existance in God can take comfort in the following joke.)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was?
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother," she asked, "is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without hesitating one little boy (the oldest in his family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
(As someone who has several siblings, I can sympathise with the first little girl.)
**********************
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
(Note to parents all over the world: This is why guilt trips DON'T WORK!)
*********************
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael. He's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."
(You gotta love little kids....)
*********************
A teacher was giving a lesson on blood circulation.
Trying to make the matter clear, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
(Ouch!)
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